Connecting with Children and Adults

My daughter is really fascinated when she sees a crow, still or flying, or when she sees anyone wearing a helmet. She also likes to repeatedly point towards big buses and trucks. She gets excited when I give her the same fruit cut in a different way, or when I put a different colored sponge near the sink. She notices the change and wants to share it with me. She feels upset when she is unable to spread her prayer mat in the right direction, or when she falls while trying to push her baby stroller down a slope. These are all important experiences for her, and when I also give them importance, she feels connected to me. As a mother, it’s essential for me to connect with her, if I want to have any sort of influence in her life.

For some reason, we easily understand and apply this rule for children, but not for adults. When someone comes to us with an experience that has been really profound for them, but isn’t really significant to us, we tend to belittle the experience, or even worse, belittle the person for feeling or acting a certain way in a particular kind of experience. Sometimes when we disagree about a certain aspect and want to correct someone, we get busy in finding faults in the perspective or experience, without truly seeing it from the lens of that person first. That’s when we lose the chance to connect with him/her and to make any positive influence in his/her life.

Whenever a questioner, companion or family member came to the Prophet ﷺ, he ﷺ got to the level of that person and responded according to his/her background and the societal context. It is a very important technique he ﷺ taught us, for calling people towards the message of Allah SWT.