Pain
My dear believing sister,
I know you are in pain. I know that you don’t feel like going through another day sometimes, but you still show up every day. I know that sometimes life’s tests seem too heavy to carry on your shoulders. I know that you secretly compare your life with others and always find a reason why someone else has so many things better than you. A relative has a more beautiful house, a friend has a more loving husband, and a colleague has a higher salary. When shaytan starts putting such thoughts in your heart, always remember – your specific tests have been hand-picked for you by the Lord of the Worlds. There is absolutely no way that you could have been better off in this dunya or akhirah without the very specific circumstances you are in.
I recently attended a gathering in which two women shared how they had finally conceived after years of infertility and were due in a month. Later, I found out that one of them is a mother of a healthy baby boy (being tested by the regular trials of motherhood since nothing in this life is test-free or perfect), while the other woman’s baby boy passed away within days of giving birth. Only Allah SWT can compensate for what she has lost, but it is certain that despite the magnitude of the test, the second mother is also being taken care of by her Creator in the most loving ways, even beyond our imagination and understanding.
Yes – people will ask questions that would hurt you. Sometimes, your closest relationships would prove to be the most hurtful. When that happens, realize that there is no refuge except in Allah SWT.
As an extremely sensitive person, I used to feel the urge to somehow fix everyone’s problems. Whenever a friend shared how badly she was treated by her husband, I would want her to miraculously escape the marriage and marry the perfect man for her. Whenever a friend shared how badly she wanted to have a child, I would make heartfelt dua for her and be convinced that the coming month would be the one. Whenever someone shared their financial struggles, I would want things for them to change within days. I still want these things for others. But I also want to give this message to myself and everyone:
My dear sister who sees every single friend in her social circle becoming a mother while she stares at her negative pregnancy tests month after month, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who longs for a loving partner, or is tremendously lonely in her marriage, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who has lost a child and feels so empty that she wants the earth to swallow her, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who has a special needs child and her heart breaks every time she sees her child struggle, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who is tired of giving everything to her relationships but is still constantly criticized, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who is financially struggling to bring food on the table for her family, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who is dealing with severe depression while others trivialize her problems, Allah sees you.
My dear sister who is so exhausted that she struggles to carry out mundane house chores, Allah sees you.
Allah sees every single ounce of energy that goes in making that another cup of tea, cleaning up the toys again, folding laundry for the fifth time in the week, or simply managing all relationships and responsibilities with a heavy heart. Remember, this pain will one day be worth it.
